Soul Searching through Cat Naps

Went to bed swaddled, but found like this :)

At seven weeks old my son is a pro at "the cat nap." It doesn't matter what time of day it is when he goes down to sleep....BAM, exactly 45 mins later, Mr. Bright-Eyes is awake and ready to play once again! Not exactly conducive to being fully rested, me getting much done (or my own nap for that matter) or fitting into any sort of daily schedule.

Now I know the science of it all - babies sleep cycles last exactly that 45 min mark where they move quickly between deep and active sleep - so I know that part of the problem is Levi not moving back into sleep again, but what I'm journeying through here is a battle between schedules, research, books, other's ideas, my own promptings and what I know to be the nudges of the Holy Spirit. See, while it might be a problem that my son is sleeping only in 45 min chunks, the issues that I've had to work out in my heart are presently more at the forefront of my mind. I've been frustrated that my newborn will not fit into my schedule, or one that I would deem appropriate! "Why won't he do what I want him to do, when I want him to do it?!"....I hear myself say throughout the day. Is that foolish to expect already? Granted, a lot of this is learning how to parent and train him I understand, but even that is a decision of how to parent. Do I let him cry it out? Do I cater to every cry so he's secure? Every book, friend, and unsolicited passer-byer has their own idea to contribute or what worked for them.

Why do I have to sleep again?

And see, that's the thing - everyone shares on their own experience of what worked for them. So I am on a journey of learning confidence in what works for me and for our family! And truthfully, I'm still not sure what that is. But I am so thankful for the following as I learn and try new things.....that I currently have the privilege of being a full time mom, that I have a husband who cares about how we raise our children and that we can move forward in parenting together in agreement (that's key!), that I'm efficient and can get a lot done in just 45 mins :) and that I have the best teacher in the Holy Spirit who can speak and guide me as to not only what's right for my family, but for Levi specifically! How incredible is that! What a gift :)


(Two hours later: In the spirit of keeping this blog real, I have to share the last few hours....I'm literally finishing this blog, feeling upbeat, really good that I'm moving in confidence and being a good mom and Levi wakes up (from yes, a 45min nap). I go and get him to feed him since I can tell from his cry that he's already waking up hungry....in which he refuses to eat and then screams for the next 30min! Wow. Finally he gives in and does eat but at this point then I start crying feeling totally defeated about what I had just written, with all my confidence and joy feeling sucked out the window. Errrr. He get's a diaper change, little mat play time, starts fussing and goes back to bed....I call Graham to complain about how frustrated I am and how I clearly don't know what's best. "Why can't I hear from the Holy Spirit? What am I doing wrong??" I'm pleading. I guess I have to still remember that this is my first baby and I am only still weeks in. Oh well, I can alway pound some Dove dark chocolate to ease the edge of the past few hours. When I open that sweet nugget of goodness I read the little message inside: Take a deep breath & exhale. Ha :) Maybe that's all I needed to hear from the Lord anyway! So we keep on truckin' and keep on learning...)